This article is sponsored by Westbury Manor, a Brides of Long Island Preferred Venue!
Can you really take back a wedding invitation once it’s been given? Here are the times when it’s appropriate, and how to handle the situation.
It’s likely that your guest list was one of the first major decisions of your wedding planning process. Deciding who to include in one of the biggest days of your life takes time, and you’ll want to invite as many family members, friends, and loved ones as you can.
But what happens if you’ve invited someone and…well…something happens? And what happens when whatever that “something” was has you reconsidering their place on your guest list? Is it ever appropriate to take back a wedding invitation?
Save the dates vs. Formal invitations
While save the dates aren’t the same as a formal wedding invitation, you should still only send save the dates to those you’re definitely inviting to the wedding. You’re quite literally asking your guest to save the date of your wedding and not schedule any conflicting events. This can be a considerable ask, especially if your wedding is taking place during peak vacation season or around the holidays.
What if you’ve changed your mind about a certain guest, but have already sent them a save the date? Is just NOT sending them a formal invite an option? In certain circumstances yes, but with a few caveats. More on that below.
Image courtesy of Stories by Victoria
When to take back a wedding invitation
If you’ve already sent a formal invitation, consider that invite pretty much set in stone. Rescinding a wedding invitation should always be considered an absolute last resort, and you should always make that decision after a lot of thought and reflection.
Here are the situations that may warrant taking back an invite:
- A divorce or break up. If one of your guests announces an unexpected split from their romantic partner, you may want to consider adjusting your invite list accordingly. This can be entirely situational, though — if your guest and their ex are still on good terms (and you’re still on good terms), you may want to keep their invite in tact. If there was a lot of drama and hurt feelings in the separation, you may decide to disinvite the former romantic partner.
- A major fight or falling out. Relationships aren’t perfect. We can all say things we don’t mean, or get into arguments that seem to have no resolution. If you’ve had a major blow out with one of your guests — the kind that threatens your relationship altogether — let some time pass before making any decisions. After a few days, collect your thoughts and talk to your fiancé. Disinviting a guest is a major step that makes a major statement, and the two of you should be on the same page.
- Recent instances of inappropriate behavior. That one friend almost ruined your bachelorette party, and your terrified they’ll do the same at your wedding. The first step is ALWAYS communication, and explaining why their behavior has you worried. They could be going through a rough time and need some help that you can provide. If that’s not the case, and having a heart-to-heart didn’t seem to make matters any better, you may want to consider taking back their invite.
- A change in your wedding plans. You might have scored the venue, sent out the invite list, and then suddenly realized…you want a destination wedding instead. Circumstances change, and your guest list may have to as well.
Image courtesy of RF Films | Photography
How to take back a wedding invitation
Taking back a wedding invitation doesn’t happen that often, so there isn’t a standard way to proceed. Overall, remember to remain respectful and keep heightened emotions out of the conversation.
- Be direct. Once you’ve made your decision, don’t wait to tell them or assume they’ll figure it out on their own. Remember — attending a wedding costs money for most people, and you’ll want to let them know before they’ve booked any non-refundable travel or hotel accommodations.
- Decide how best to break the news. Some situations may call for a face-to-face conversation. Some interactions will feel more appropriate via email or text. You may want to take the lead with certain guests, or your fiancé may be a more appropriate choice to navigate the discussion. Think about all these variables first.
- Give a reason why. If your plans have changed and your guest list needs to be altered as a result, offer a full but succinct reason to your disinvited guests. Many print companies like Minted or Zazzle offer pre-written “change of plans” cards that can be sent to those who’ve been previously invited. If the reason is more complicated than that, you should still offer an explanation. Try writing things out first, before you initiate a conversation.
- If you’ve sent a save the date but not an invite, you can hold off on mailing that thick envelope, but — again — you should still offer an explanation. Don’t just NOT send them an invite without a more detailed reasoning, because they may show up on the big day after all.
No matter the circumstances, it’s important to navigate changes in your guest list with thought, care, and empathy.