In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
I’m getting married in 2025 and I’ve already begun the planning process. I’ve been with my fiancé for about 3 years, and in that time my relationship with my future mother-in-law has been somewhat rocky. I feel like she looks down on me (and everyone else around her) and thinks her son can do better. My fiancé assures me that it isn’t the case, but when you know, you know.
My mom and my MOH went dress shopping with me a few weeks ago, and my MIL found out. She was furious to not be invited. She’s going to be even more furious when she realizes I’ve left her out of the bridal shower and a few other wedding events too. My fiancé says that he wants her to be involved in more of our planning. I disagree. I don’t think she even wants her son marrying me, so why should I let her be a part of anything I’m doing? He’s called me a bridezilla about it a few times now. But am I?
Sincerely,
No MIL Allowed
Dear No MIL Allowed,
Ah, Mothers-in-law. Aren’t they great? 😂 All kidding aside, we’ve definitely seen our fair share of MIL drama over the years. You’re not alone.
Like it or not though, your future mother-in-law is your fiancé’s mother. And unless he’s willing to cut all ties with her completely (which, by your letter, it sounds like he isn’t), she is someone who is always going to be in your life in some sense. That doesn’t mean you have to be best friends, nor does it mean that you have to withstand any blatant disrespect, but it does mean that you’ll need to find a way to make (and keep) the peace with this woman.
You’ve obviously discussed the issue with your fiancé before. Has he talked to his mother about the way she makes you feel? And about the way it makes HIM feel? If not, it may be time for the two of them to sit down and talk this out – just like she is always going to be in your life, you are always going to be in hers.
Have you and your future MIL ever spent any time together, just the two of you? I know that sounds like the LAST thing you’d ever want to do, but sometimes the air can be cleared a bit with some one-on-one time, where words and ideas can’t be misinterpreted through the grapevine.
As for leaving her out of the dress shopping – no, you’re not a bridezilla. There’s no expectation that your future MIL would join you, or really that ANYONE would join you. Most of us bring our moms or bridesmaids, but there’s no concrete list of people that MUST be there.
As for the other events – this is where we’re edging into bridezilla territory. Remember – this is your fiancé’s mother, and it’s his wedding too. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? When it comes to events like your bridal shower, there is an expectation that the women in both of your families should at least be invited.
If your fiancé and his mother were not on good terms, it would be one thing. But he wants his mother to be a part of your wedding, so some compromise is needed here. Sit down with your fiancé and see if you can come to an agreement on your MIL’s level of involvement. She doesn’t have to be at every vendor meeting or every dress fitting, but you should consider involving her in the traditional events.
Wondering if you’re a bridezilla? Submit your questions to us via DM @thebridesoflongisland, or via email to jennifer@bridesofli.com
