In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
I’m in my mid thirties and getting married for the second time. My first wedding when I was in my early twenties. We got divorced after about 3 years.
I had a bridal shower and bachelorette party for my first wedding, but because my friends and I were in college (aka young and broke), it wasn’t anything big. Now that we’re all older and financially secure, I wanted to do something more substantial for both. I was thinking a brunch at a nice restaurant for the shower, and trip to Nashville for the bachelorette.
When I proposed this to my maid-of-honor, she scoffed. She said because I’d gotten married before and had those experiences already, doing it again would be too much to ask. When I kept reminding her that my shower and bachelorette were so small the first time, she called me a bridezilla.
Am I a bridezilla for wanting a bridal shower and bachelorette party again, even though I already had one for my first marriage?
Signed,
Round two
Dear Round two,
No, you’re not a bridezilla for wanting a bridal shower and bachelorette party — even if you’ve already had them both.
According to your timeline, it looks like there’s been a good ten years or so between your first wedding and this one. If you had gotten married, divorced, and re-engaged in a span of one or two years, asking for another set of big parties might be overkill. A decade is plenty of breathing room between these events.
Some may argue that bridal showers and bachelorette parties are only for first-time brides, but at the end of the day it’s YOUR wedding. You get to celebrate it however you want. And unless your bridal party is made up of the exact same people as your first wedding, these events won’t be a “repeat” for everyone.
I will challenge you on a few ideas, though. You mentioned that your friends are now older and “financially secure,” but you never know someone’s financial state unless you’re looking at their bank accounts. Your maid-of-honor might have had that reaction because she’d struggle to pay for a “more substantial” bridal shower and bachelorette.
I’ll also throw out this possibility: if she was your maid-of-honor for your first wedding, she may have pulled out all the stops to throw a bridal party and bachelorette for you — even if it wasn’t what you’d consider “big.” She might be offended that you now considered those events to be “so small.”
It’s worth it to sit down with your entire bridal party and discuss your expectations, then you can determine whether a nice brunch and out-of-state trip is going to be realistic for everyone. If it’s not, try to brainstorm different options. “More substantial” doesn’t have to mean “more expensive.” You can explore budget-friendly restaurants for a bridal shower brunch, or even a potluck at someone’s house. For your bachelorette, there are plenty of fun road trip destinations for a weekend closer to home.
The thing that will make these events more memorable is not the location or the cost, it’s the quality time you spend with your best friends.
Wondering if YOU’RE a bridezilla? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com
