In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
TRIGGER WARNING: Discussions of weight loss/gain
Dear BOLI,
My wedding is in a little over a year, and I’m so excited. I’ve been planning it since before I was engaged (LOL).
Since I’ve had a lot of time to think about exactly what I want, I have a very specific vision of how I want the day to go and how I want everything to look. One of the things I love is when all the bridesmaids are in the same dress with the same hair styles and makeup, and when they have a similar silhouette.
I haven’t asked any of them officially, but in order for the bridesmaids I’ve chosen to have this uniform look, some of them are going to have to make changes to their appearance. For example — I want everyone to have big, sleek low buns, so a few of them are going to have to grow out their hair when they normally keep it short. A few of them are plus-sized, and while I have no problem with that and think they’re beautiful, in order for everyone to look the same they’ll need to lose some weight. One girl is very thin, and again I have no problem with that and think she’s beautiful, but she’ll need to gain some weight.
Some people are telling me that wanting a bridesmaid aesthetic makes me a bridezilla. I feel like it’s my wedding and I get to decide how I want things to be. Am I a bridezilla?
Signed,
Uniform bride
Dear Uniform bride,
Without a doubt, you are a bridezilla.
Look, in BOLI we often say “it’s your wedding and you get to make the decisions.” But that applies to choosing your guest list and venue, selecting your decor, opting for an A-line gown when your mom wants you in a mermaid, that kind of thing. It certainly doesn’t apply to dictating your bridesmaid’s (or anyone else’s) physical appearance.
Where their hair is concerned — if it’s important to you to have everyone in the same low bun, your hair and makeup artist can use extensions. Problem solved, and no one has to change their preferred everyday hairstyle to make it happen.
Where their bodies are concerned — your requests are flat out offensive. Being a bridesmaid involves many responsibilities, but changing your body because the bride wants you to look a specific way is DEFINITELY not one of them. Your bridesmaids are not there to meet an “aesthetic,” they are there to love and support you while you take a major step in your life. Their sizes have absolutely nothing to do with your friendship, and as you said in your letter, you think they are beautiful as they are. If that’s the case, why would you want them to change?
I absolutely don’t agree with choosing your bridesmaids this way, but if everyone looking the same is that crucial to you, you should only ask those who currently meet your size requirements to be in your bridal party. But what if one of them gets pregnant before your wedding? What if one of them gets diagnosed with a medical condition that affects their weight? What if one of them CHOOSES to lose or gain weight? Would you ask them to step down if something like that happened? It’s really important that you rethink what being a bridesmaid means, and what’s appropriate to ask of them.
I’ll also say this: in your letter, you mention that you have “a very specific vision of how I want the day to go.” I can almost promise you that on your wedding day, something will not go as you envisioned. Maybe even multiple things! Life happens, mistakes get made, and at the end of the day you’re still married. You should strongly consider thinking of the bigger picture here, rather than getting caught up in details that could have real, irreversible consequences on your friendships.
Wondering if you’re a bridezilla? Submit your questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com, and we may feature it in an upcoming article.
