In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
My wedding was two weeks ago and it was amazing! It was truly one of the best days of my life and I loved every minute of it.
Well…not every minute of it.
I had a very specific idea in mind for my centerpieces: five white peonies surrounded by baby’s breath and a white candle in the middle. Since peonies aren’t in season now, I had to pay a lot of money to get them.
During cocktail hour I walked into the main dining space to see how everything was set up, and my centerpieces were all wrong. Some had three peonies and a ton of baby’s breath, some had six peonies and barely any baby’s breath, some had no baby’s breath at all. They were a total mess.
I ended up freaking out on the maître d’ for allowing the florist to leave without taking care of their crappy work. He tried his best to arrange them more to my liking, but there weren’t enough flowers. I eventually calmed down and enjoyed the rest of my evening, but looking back on things now I’m even madder about it than I was at the time. I really went over budget to get my exact vision and it wasn’t met.
I have a call in to the florist to discuss this. I told my now-husband about my reaction when I saw everything, and he said I was a bridezilla for losing my cool with the maître d’. He wants to make sure I don’t do the same when we call the florist. I don’t think I’m a bridezilla because it’s the venue’s job to make sure everything is perfect. Do you agree with him? Or am I a bridezilla?
Signed,
Peony Problem
Dear Peony Problem,
Yes, you’re a bridezilla.
No one would fault you for being upset about your centerpieces not coming out right, especially if you paid a lot of money for out-of-season flowers. We all want to get what we pay for, ESPECIALLY if we’re emptying our pockets to get it.
But your reaction towards the venue staff definitely pushed you into bridezilla territory. You said it’s “the venue’s job to make sure everything is perfect,” and that’s true up to a point. The venue can only control what’s in their territory (and their contract with you) — the food, the space, their staff, etc. The florist is the one that dropped the ball here, and your venue staff has absolutely no control over the florist’s work or the items they drop off.
My guess is that the maître d’ was focused on his job, which was making sure the set up of the room was right and the rest of his staff was ready for your wedding. If you had a wedding planner or day-of coordinator, they would be the ones in charge of making sure all of your other vendors were performing their jobs appropriately.
Most venue staff will also pay attention to other vendors as much as they can because they obviously want you to be happy. But at the end of the day, that’s not really their responsibility. And besides that, what options do you think the maître d’ had in this scenario? He worked with you to get the centerpieces as close to your liking as possible, but the fact remained that there weren’t enough flowers. He could have asked the florist to go back and bring more flowers, however since they were out of season it’s unlikely they had more to bring. He could have demanded that they take the centerpieces back and continue to work on them until they were right, but then you run the risk of having no centerpieces at all (or having them roll in mid-dinner). And again — since the flowers were out-of-season, it’s unlikely that they had more on hand to fill out their work.
Do you have a right to be mad at the florist? Yes, absolutely. Before you talk to them, I would sit down with your husband and make notes about exactly what you want to say. If you have pictures to provide in comparison to your inspiration images or the florist’s mockups, that would be great. Try to keep heightened emotions out of the conversation as much as possible and stick to the facts: you didn’t get what you paid for.
I would also apologize to your maître d’. You can write an email or call, but take the time to express remorse. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s dealt with a situation like this, and I’m sure he’s understanding of the fact that tensions can run high on wedding days. Still, it’s worth it to reach out and apologize to him.
Wondering if you’re a bridezilla? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com
