In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
Did you see the news story about the couple who charged their guests a fee to come to her wedding? They got a lot of hate for it and everyone thought it was so awful of them to do?
Well I think it’s a great idea, and I want to do it myself.
I haven’t discussed it with my fiancé but I am dead set on doing a cover charge once guests arrive at the venue. We are pulling out all the stops for this wedding and going way over budget, but I know it will be worth it. It will be REALLY worth it for my guests. Even the most basic nightclubs charge a cover, why shouldn’t I when I’m throwing an insane party that no one will ever forget???
I’m not going to chance someone coming to my wedding, enjoying all of the things I’ve paid for, and walking out the door without giving us a good gift. I know it happens, but I’m seriously not going to deal with that. The $200 I’m charging isn’t going to come close to covering everything, so it’s not like I’m going to make a profit here or anything. But like I said, I’m not chancing a freeloader.
I told my maid of honor about my plans and she thinks I’m a bridezilla. She’s telling me lots of people won’t come if they have to pay to get in. Aren’t they paying anyway, with a gift? That’s basically what this is! A “gift insurance policy.” So am I bridezilla?
Signed,
Cover charge bride
Dear cover charge bride,
Yep. You’re a bridezilla.
There’s several things to dissect here, but let’s start at the beginning: you haven’t discussed any of this with your fiancé. For as much as you’re “dead set” on the idea of charging your guests, they may be just as dead set against it. Before you make any final decisions, the two of you MUST be on the same page. It’s both of your weddings.
As far as your budget goes, it’s entirely possible to have a beautiful day without going way over your budget or “pulling out all the stops.” Your wedding is way more than just an “insane party,” so I’d recommend taking a step back from planning to think about what getting married means to you. That may connect you to what’s really important here (spoiler alert — it’s not the party and it’s not the money. It’s joining your life with a person you love).
Your wedding isn’t a nightclub, your guests aren’t patrons, and those who celebrate without a gift aren’t freeloaders — they are your friends and family, and you have absolutely no idea what their financial situation looks like. Yes it is proper etiquette to give a monetary gift, and yes it’s rude to attend a wedding empty handed. But in all honesty, charging a cover for a party you’re throwing for yourself is just as gauche (no matter how unforgettable your wedding may be). If you’re “not going to deal” with the fact that someone may not bring a gift, then don’t invite anyone and just get married at the courthouse. That’s the only way to ensure that no one attends sans check.
Besides, a $200 cover charge may deter your guests who would have gifted you more than that amount. Guests that might have given $250, $300, or more might consider the cover fee their gift and keep the rest for themselves. Also, your maid of honor is right — implementing a cover charge will probably turn a lot of your guests away completely, and you may end up getting even less money in total than you would have without the entrance fee.
It’s your wedding and you (and your fiancé) get to make the final decisions, but I would strongly recommend reevaluating things. Perhaps you want to pull back on some expenses so that you don’t feel a “gift insurance policy” is needed. No one is forcing you to throw an over-the-top affair, and all the lavish details won’t be what makes your day memorable. What will is the love between you and your spouse, and the joy your loved ones feel coming together to celebrate a new chapter in your life.
Wondering if YOU’RE a Bridezilla? Email your questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com
